Wow this road has been an interesting one for me. I did not get into health and fitness because it sounded cool…because exercise was always my thing…because I’ve always just been that healthy girl and wanted to share. I got into health and fitness because I struggled so damn hard for so damn long.
We all have our story. It is so important to remember where you came from…to remember your why. I took such solace in food as a kid. The first half of my life was all about avoiding pain. Sounds dark, I know. It was. And I know there are plenty of people walking around like “normal” but are oh so broken. My journey has just downright sucked at times. And…it has been so full of hope I’ve felt like my heart could burst at times. There has never been a straight line because, well, that’s not how it works, is it?
I didn’t want to get too deep but, I guess it’s too late! There are so many people struggling deep in their heart and feel there is no way out. We all have our own ways of coping with life, don’t we? It’s our human nature to numb out at times…and depending on the time in our lives and what is going on…some times more than others. I lived a very numbed out life for years. Years. I had no tools for coping and just wanted things to always feel more “normal” and so I turned to my drug. Mine was food. That’s why I’m here in this health and fitness world. My struggle might not look like yours, but I likely understand more than you think.
I used to try hard to make people happy and had no sense of me. Wow there are so many many girls out there like that these days I’m afraid. But, instead of trying to figure out who they are, they think selling themselves short and trying to compete for attention by compromising who they are is somehow their truth. It breaks my heart. That is not strength my sweet sisters. It’s just not. Not even close. The people who love you for what you truly have to offer this world and for your uniqueness will not even want to be a part of you sacrificing your truth for attention.
It took me what felt like eons of holding so tight to God, sitting through storms, feeling lost and totally alone and getting good counseling, seeking wise words from books, people I saw truth in…letting certain people in who showed me that they had “been there” too, to get to where I am. Not perfect, but genuine and so much healthier. I failed at times. I let people in I shouldn’t have. But over time I’ve learned to be truer to me; to who I believe God made me to be; to who I think my son needs as a mom; to who I would’ve wanted as an example to me when I needed one.
Why am I even spewing out my guts on my little health and fitness site? Because we all know that these things we struggle with on the surface have deep, deep roots. I wasn’t able to really let go of my food issues and my eating disorder until I was good with me. God was always good with me. I was the one who needed to get my head out of my rear. I needed to realize no one would do it for me and that God loving me fiercely never meant He would do it all for me. No. In fact, it meant quite the opposite. And why? Because He loves me that much. And He loves YOU that much. He wants us to grow through our struggle rather than protect us so much that we end up safe and oh so very weak.
I’ll end here having poured out enough for tonight. Just know YOU have more to offer than you even know and it has NOTHING to do with how you think the world needs you to be. The expectations we think we need to live up to are SHALLOW. Be who you are meant to be. If not for you, for the girl who will cross paths with you (perhaps your own daughter) who needs you to be that example for her.
You are loved.